May 4, 2001

It was Ashley's 30^th birthday and we were having a surprise party at my house.  Got her the exotic cake in the shape of an ass and everybody thought it was cool. 

People kept making jokes about getting their piece of ass, the favorite phrase of the night was "asscake" and how hard it was to cut it.  Ethan didn't say much all night long, just sort of sat in the corner watching everyone.

Kept asking him what was wrong, he kept saying nothing.  His silence makes me nervous.  Like he's waiting for me to figure out what the problem is.  And then when I ask him, he doesn't say anything's wrong.  Maybe he thinks it's a replay of the last time, the last party.  God, how many more times do we have to go through this?  How many more parties do we successfully avoid fighting at before we can consider the matter officially closed?  I just let him sit there.  He's not gonna ruin my night.  And Ashley would really kill me if I did.  So I end up just letting him do his thing, and I do mine.  And it seems to work out okay.  At least it doesn't end in a fight.  And I see him talking to Robyn and Naketha.  Being his usual charming self.  Good for him.  Let him talk to all the beautiful women in the room, for all I care.  I will show him how it's done.  I will not be jealous.  And after the party's over, and after we load Ashley up into Aussie Bob's car (she screams "I'm 30 and fucking beautiful, and have no maternal clock whatsoever, baby!" all the way down the road) and after we clear everybody else out of the house, he turns to me and smiles.